


Late night confessions

by nightowljane



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kisses, Love Confessions, One Shot, Soft Spencer, idk what else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25518730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightowljane/pseuds/nightowljane
Summary: You decide that today is the day. It’s time you tell Spencer Reid the truth about your feelings.
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Reader, Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83





	Late night confessions

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS!!!!
> 
> there is talk about suicidal thoughts but that’s it. Nothing bloody or gory. But if you think it might trigger something then be aware of that. also most of this is dialogue so well yea...

You leaned your forearms onto the balcony railing, letting out a peaceful sigh.

You gazed out onto the horizon as the sun set, bathing the city you had grown to love in a majestic, golden hue.

You had always enjoyed the view from Spencer’s apartment. Mostly because you didn’t have one at your own place. But part of you loved it simply because it gave you an excuse to drop by your best friend’s home anytime you felt like it.

Today was the day. You weren’t sure as to why. Maybe because you actually had a good nights rest for once or maybe it was because your last case ended off on a good note.But you just knew, you knew that you wouldn’t ever get another chance like this.

You promised yourself that you wouldn’t back down. Not now. Not when this was the perfect opportunity.

“Hey.”

You turned to look at him, finding a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. 

By his expression you could tell that he was relaxed. He had changed into a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a black tee. It was late after all. His wavy hair was sticking out at random angles on the top of his head. It had kind of become a permanent bed head over the past few months.

“Hey there.”

“You know each year about 646 000 individuals fall to their deaths globally. You have to be careful around balconies because statistics show that there have been an increase in young adults falling from them.” 

You let out a chuckle, shaking your head in amusement, “I’m enjoying the view so I’ll take my chances.”

You always loved it when he told you facts and statistics, no matter how absurd or random they were.

Spencer stood beside you, mirroring your movements as he took in the view.

“Spence, how long have we known each other?”

“Seven years, 11 months, 28 days, 9 hours, and 43 minutes.”

“It’s almost the eight year anniversary of our first meeting.”

Spencer nodded eagerly, a bright smile reaching his lips, “Yep! It’s this Friday.”

You punched him lightly on the arm, giggling at his childlike excitement.

He feigned a pained expression before laughing with you too.

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you. One that you had grown to enjoy over the years.

The quiet helped you prepare yourself for what you were going to say. Rejection was possible, highly possible for that matter. You had been best friends with Spencer for years. Even though you had feelings for him you would never expect him to return them. But you needed to let him know. You refused to continue harbouring such intense feelings for him. You had to let it out and tell him the truth.

So you took in a deep breath, which caused Spencer to turn to you with a questioning look on his face.

“Is there something on your mind?”

“I’ve never been afraid of death before.”

From the corner of your eye you saw his eyebrows furrow as a look of confusion crossed his face, “Well I guess we have to accept that in our line of work death is a likely possibility.”

“That’s not what I mean,” you rubbed the back of your neck, a habit that you had when you were feeling anxious, “We’ve all somehow been on the verge of death one way or another and I know that everyone on the team has been afraid that those moments might be their last. But personally, I never really cared. Not until a few years after I had initially joined the BAU.”

Spencer was silent, letting you speak freely without interruption. Which was a rare occurrence for the wonder boy who tended to ramble constantly.

“Growing up I never feared death because in all honestly, I craved it.”

Even without looking at him you could tell he had tensed up at the statement.

“I thought about dying every single day of my life. I never really had anything to live for. Nothing to keep me going. I believed that if I were to die the world would move on after a few weeks maybe months at most. Every night I would fall asleep hoping that I wouldn’t wake up the following morning and when I did I always felt this sense of disappointment that I had to live through another day.

I never tried to kill myself though. I guess I was too much of a coward. I didn’t want to hurt my friends and family. Which is contradicting since I constantly felt like I was only a burden to them. I wanted to die so I could relieve them of that burden yet at the same time I didn’t want to bring them any unwanted pain. I was afraid that if I did go through with it I would regret it later.

And that cycle continued. Those thoughts plagued my mind everyday of my life. They never left me until I joined the BAU.”

You turned to Spencer, finding him staring at you so intensely it was as if he would swallow you whole. His eyes were an endless abyss, drawing you towards them. There were so many emotions swirling through them and yet, even as a profiler, you couldn’t pinpoint what any of them were. You had now noticed that he was much closer to you then before. Your shoulders brushing up against one another.

“What changed?” He whispered the question; pushing a stray hair out of your face so gently as if he was afraid you were going to break at any moment. It was almost like you had a huge fragile sticker plastered on your forehead by the way he was being so careful and tender with you.

You gave him a soft smile, your eyes glazing over. You turned back to look at the crescentmoon now shining brightly in the sky. 

“I met the team. And that was probably the best thing that happened to me. Because I finally found a family. A family that truly accepted me for my flaws and quirks. I started to smile more, I started to feel happier and more confident. But what truly changed things for me was...”

This time you met his gaze and you weren’t going to back down, not now, not when you were so incredibly close.

“you.”

The way his eyes widened was almost comical.

“You gave me a reason to live Spence. You gave me a reason to wake up every morning. You gave me a reason to not throw away my life. You gave me a reason to enjoy and cherish every moment I had no matter how small and insignificant. You, Spencer Reid, you are the reason I want to live.

You made me look forward to everyday, because the thought of getting to see you and speak to you filled me with unbridled joy. I treasure every single conversation we have; from our talks about extraterrestrial life to our discussions about which marvel character we thought was the best. All the times we would contently sit silently in each other’s presence after a tough case. Or the times we would sit on your balcony and watch the stars with your telescope. Even when we would relax on the couch and binge your favourite Dr. Who episodes just to pass time. Every single moment I share with you is a reason for me to continue to live. That’s why I love you so much.”

Spencer opened his mouth ready to speak only to be silenced by your finger on his lips to indicate you weren’t finished yet.

“I love you more than you know Spence. I love you beyond words can explain. I’m _in_ love with you.

And it’s alright if you don’t feel the same way. I totally understand. I never expected you too, but I needed to tell you the truth. But nonetheless, I don’t want to lose you. I know that’s selfish but even if you reject my feelings I still want you to be my best friend. We can just act like I said nothing. You can stop talking to me for a few days or weeks even so you can...well I don’t know, think about it or whatever you need to-“

The world stopped.

Everyone and everything else disappeared.

Nothing else mattered at that moment.

All you could think about was his surprisingly soft lips on your own. His hands holding your face gently, yet in a way it felt like he was clinging on to you for dear life. 

It took you a minute to reincorporate the kiss, the initial surprise of the action wearing off as you held the back of his neck deepening the kiss even more.

You moulded into one another, your bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces. It was too good to be true. His hand ran through your hair while the other one snaked around your waist and pulled you so impossibly close every inch of your body tingled in excitement.

But it was over far too quickly for your liking because he had pulled away to lean his forehead against your own. The both of you panting, your breaths mingling with one another.

“I-“

Before you could utter another word Spencer mimicked your action from earlier by putting the pad of his finger against your lips, “Now it’s your turn to listen to me.”

You backed off a little to give him some space but he had grabbed your shoulders, keeping you in my place.

“What made you think that I wouldn’t feel the same way?”

You didn’t know how to respond to that. You averted your gaze, biting your lip in apprehension, “I...I guess I assumed?”

Using his finger he tilted your head up to face him, his eyes boring into your own.

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

You nodded silently holding his gaze.

“You walked into the bullpen holding a tray full of coffees that you wanted to share with the rest of the team; hoping you could make a good impression. It was adorable. And when you handed me mine and watched me add five spoonfuls of sugar laughing at the absurdity of it all I knew that I would love you.

And every single moment we shared that followed that day has been ingrained into my memory. Yes, I do have an eidetic memory, but I also never want to forget the times I spent with you. Every moment I’m with you my heart beats a little bit faster, my skin yearning to touch yours.

Some days, after a tough case, I can’t stop thinking about how awful and cruel the world is. How there are so many abominable people out there. My brain goes into overdrive, trying to come up with all the things I could have done to change the outcome of what happened. Blaming myself for not being smarter and faster to find a better solution. Yet, somehow all those thoughts stop the moment you sit in the chair beside mine, pulling my head onto your shoulder while you run your fingers through my hair.

Right then and there, the only thing I think about is you. The way your fingers massage my scalp so gently. The whiff of your beach perfume filling my nose. Each and every breath that you take. You make me realize that no matter how terrible the world around us is, that there will always be beauty in it. You showed me that.

The little things are what make you such a beautiful soul; inside and out. Your smile and your laughter light up the room and brighten anyone’s day. Your eyes light up in joy whenever you see a stray cat on the street. How tender and caring you are when talking with children. Whenever you bring the team little snacks or drinks when we’re tired and exhausted from a case.

I am so hopelessly in love with you and I have been for 6 years, 9 months, 15 days, 22 hours and 57 minutes. I’ll never stop loving you. As long as I live and breathe. You will always be the most important person to me.”

You hadn’t realized you were crying until Spencer tried wiping away the stream of tears coming from your eyes. He bent down to kiss you again, more tenderly than before, but shorter. He pulled back gazing into your eyes with what you could only perceive as adoration and pure, untainted love.

“So that means you feel the same way?” You laughed tearfully, your heart filling with elation and delight you haven’t ever felt in your life.

A deep chuckle escaped his lips as he held your face in his hands, “Yes, you big idiot.”

** “Once I knew you, I never wanted to know anyone else.” **

**\- Leo Christopher**

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing something for criminal minds so i hope i did spencer justice. i also hoped you enjoyed this little one shot :)) might write more of them in the future!


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